Avery....What a Cook

Got home from work one afternoon this week, and drove into the garage. The couple that ended up purchasing our house was here, with the real estate agent, checking out the house. I look up and Avery is at the doorway of the garage with quite the outfit:

• Pink sunglasses
  
• Messy hair, no pony tail
  
• Pink t-shirt
  
• Wearing diaper, with pants around her neck
  

Nice look Avery Paige!

Avery, Booster Chair

Recently, we upgraded the seating at the table to booster chairs, replacing the high chairs that latch onto the side of the table. Ever since then, Avery has been obsessed with the boosters, playing with the seat belt latch, wanting to get up in there, etc.

This morning, we were all over in the family room and I said something about breakfast. Avery was apparently hungry -- she went running over to the table and started playing with the booster chair, as usual. We were sort of ignoring her, and then a couple minutes later, she pokes her head above the low wall and says "HI" !! :) LOL

Not only did she get herself up in the chair (we'll never know exactly how she did that by herself), but she HOOKED THE SEATBELT TOO !! Classic.

Parenting Job Description

If they wrote a help wanted ad for the job of parenting, who would have the guts to apply? :-)

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: Must provide on-the-site training in basic life skills, such as nose-blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.

Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life. Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned skills in conflict resolution. Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."

Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack-mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half-million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because 'fund-raiser' will be your middle name.

Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?" Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end-product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest
thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock-options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life.

Kids Advice to Kids

• "Never trust a dog to watch your food." Patrick, age 10
  
• "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer." Hannah, 9
  
• "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." Michael, 14
  
• "When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair". Taylia, 10
  
• "Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac." Andrew, 9
  
• "Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time." Kyoyo, 9
  
• "You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." Armir, 9
  
• "Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." Kellie, 11
  
• "If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." Naomi, 15
  
• "Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick." Lauren, 9
  
• "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." Joel, 10
  
• "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." Alyesha, 13
  
• "Never try to baptize a cat." Eileen, 8
  

The Price of Kids

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite. What do your get for your $160,140?

1. Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
   
   
2. Glimpses of God every day.
   
   
3. Giggles under the covers every night.
   
   
4. More love than your heart can hold.
   
   
5. Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
   
   
6. Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
   
   
7. A hand to hold, usually covered with jam
   
   
8. A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles,
   and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
   
   
9. Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said
   or how your stocks performed that day.
   
   
10. For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to
    finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never
    stop believing in Santa Claus.
    
    
11. You have an excuse to keep: reading the Adventures of Piglet and
    Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and
    wishing on stars.
    
    
12. You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator
    magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas,
    handprints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for
    Father's Day.
    
    
13. For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to
    be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the
    training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling the wading
    pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team
    that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
    
    
14. You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step,
    first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.
    
    
15. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your
    family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary
    called grandchildren.
    
    
16. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice,
    communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
    
    
17. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.
    
    
18. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters
    under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground
    them forever, and love them without limits... so that one day they, like
    you, love without counting the cost.
    

ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS!

New Words

Avery
nonie (Connor)
eesh (Avery)
peete (peek)
beez (please)
nack (snack - fruit chewy things)
run fast, spin, head stand

Connor
nona (Connor)
eesh (Avery)
doh mama (go mama)
peece (please)
bra and boobs
bipane (airplane) - legoland up, down, dada (airplane ride)
peepee - connor, dada....eesh, mama, no